So this post has been in my drafts waiting to be posted for a very long time but I never really got around to finishing it because I thought there was no point into doing so until Corona hit us and I noticed that my major screen time was watching videos of people being motivated and keeping themselves busy during this time. I then realized that this may just be the perfect time to finally sit and finish this off.
Wellbeing. I don’t know where to start with the one because it's such a complex concept to me just because it is something that you can’t control all the time. Wellbeing is the upkeep of yourself in both the mental and physical state. I can handle the physical state, that one makes sense to me because I know what to do to keep myself healthy. But it is the mental state that mind boggles me a bit. I'm quite a private person so talking about my struggles is a very difficult thing but I recently posted on Instagram briefly talking about this and I thought if I can do it there then what’s stopping me for talking about it properly here.
I am a person who has a very love/hate relationship with myself and my mental wellbeing/mental health is on a constant SINE graph where it is quite unpredictable. Some mornings I feel like I can’t get out of bed but then the next morning I will be jumping out of bed at 7 am and it boggles me at how it changes so much. I can normally handle that because I am in school and I have to be up and ready by a certain time so I can get to breakfast before the rush; this routine helps keep my head in the right place (somewhat) because I keep myself busy and don’t let myself to think about what’s going on. However, that’s one thing that I don’t have right now. I don’t have a routine. I get up every morning at 7:40 am when my alarm goes off but from then on till I go back to sleep I don’t have anything planned so I’m not looking forward to anything. This makes me very unmotivated to be productive. I am a person who needs something to look forward to otherwise I don’t feel like doing anything and it causes me to go into a downwards spiral. I have sat at my desk a countless number of times these past two weeks with the mindset that I need to work and get some revision done for school but I can hardly get two words down on the piece fo paper before moving onto something else, such as Netflix or TikTok. I have no routine at home and I can feel it causing a massive effect on my mental wellbeing and this then translates into everything else I want to do. I like to work out and do it a decent amount but I have started to lose motivation and I start to slack of majorly. This then causes me to go into a negative circle of 'I don't like myself but I don't have the energy to workout and change that’. My mental health relates a lot to my physical health and the more I slack off the more it creates a negative impact on me mentally. I can see this straight away when I take a rest day and don’t do any sort of workout for a day and it causes me to not want to work out even more.
Today has been my favorite day of my Easter break solely because I actually did stuff for once. I made notes for Psychology, I finished off this post and went to the gym. I didn’t feel motivated to do any of this, it took me over 2 hours to convince myself to get to the gym and work out but I felt so good after it because I was able to accomplish a goal I had set for myself today. But breaking that initial ‘I can’t do it’ is the toughest thing ever. I know a lot of people go through that and I know everyone says this but social media doesn't help because you see people with your ideal body and what you want to look like and it makes you feel worse about your self. The one thing I did different today was that I knew that I had to get shit done; school starts up again in 9 days for me and even though I don’t know when my exams are I need to get a head start on my notes so I don’t rush it last minute. I planned ahead so I know what I want to be done before school starts and how my day should look like once school starts; this makes me look forward to something because it is a plan to do something, might be a small thing but its still plan for a day in the near future. I also wrote it down today and I gave myself rules for my room that I have to follow in hopes for it to make me more productive so that even if I only work for 2 hours in the day at least those 2 hours will be the most productive two hours I could have spent so I feel good about myself. I wrote myself a to-do list, which is a very common thing for a lot of people and it normally doesn’t work for me. Today I wrote small tasks on it so I knew it was easier to complete and I would feel good at the end of the day because I completed most of my to-do list. These things helped today, I hope they carry on helping me but I never know. I have also cut back on my screen time a lot on my phone and tried to stop going on it in bed which is a change I have been wanting to do for a very long time but never got around to doing it again after GCSEs finished. The reduced amount of social media exposure I have had, the better I have started to feel about myself as I can’t compare myself to anyone else, or at least I do it a lot less.
This is a very hard time for a lot of people and it can cause people to feel more anxious or worried about the unknown (I know I am one of those people) but I do think it is important for everyone to keep a routine in their day and try have their day resemble a normal day as much as possible. Also, try to do small things that make you feel happier about yourself, whether that be to cook yourself a special meal or wear a nice outfit, maybe even do your hair or wear nice jewelry. I have tried to stick to what I would normally do in a day so I try to not stay in sweats every day and I do my hair whenever I wash it. Small things to make you feel more positive about yourself so you don't go into a spiral during this time.
I know this was a long (and slightly sad) post but I hope everyone is staying inside and safe during this time.
Till my next post my lovelies x